Wednesday, July 22, 2009

?


held on tightly to you
every waking morning
as i take in every breathe
not so secretly and not so gently
to keep every piece of you
in every part of me
while it has all been gone
it was once a perfect harmony


and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
16:30




Friday, July 17, 2009

Perfect Timings & Beautiful Mistakes


Had a chat with a friend last night. Coincidentally (unfortunately for the friend), we always seem to discuss about the L aspect of life. Many of us already know that doing the right thing at the right time is important. Saying this, doing the wrong thing at the right time is also very important if you do not want to be caught. Sadly, i've yet to perfect this.
Is doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and doing the right thing at the wrong time really that disasterous?

If a theory is refuted, it is no longer true.

Example: Theoretically, not keeping your experimental items properly in a clean laboratory and causing contamination is a big boo-boo. Fleming forgot to keep his petri dish of Staphylococcus plate culture and that allowed contamination. The next day, he found blue-green mould of inhibited bacterial growth which repressed the growth of bacteria and it was Penicillium! Fleming did the wrong thing at the "theoretically" wrong time but it turns out to be an important scientific discovery!

So this wrong thing (left petri dish out) was done at the appropriate time (it was when the petric dish had Staphylococcus and not some other cultures which could not have led to growth of penicillium) or that it was actually a right thing (discovery of penicillin) done at the wrong time (shouldnt have left the laboratory without storing the petric dish properly)?

I hope you got my drift.

What I'm trying to convey is that timings are very important and subjective to the current circumstances. Well sometimes a Presidential candidate may not be the best speaker or draw up the best policies but they provided people novel ideas, gave new hope to the people and that people just want a change from the norm. So the winner may not be the Best Man out there but he is definitely available at the Best Time or Right time.

At other times, one might get unlucky. We jump into conclusions pre-maturely, have judgements made too soon or catalyse processes that are meant to work in seqeunce. Conversely, we force things to slow down, ponder and mull over too many choices, rationalized every small aspect of the situation. These may result in unpleasant consequences but i believe every little single piece of lesson we learn from these actions at flawed timings, either too early or too late, would become part and parcel of the "wiser" person we are now.

Of course, some of us never seem to get out of this vicious cycle of bad timings yet these will still serve as milestones or a stepping stone to whatever that lies ahead of us. No one action, deed or conversation is wasted. Ripple effect or butterfly effect. Someone, something, somewhere will definitely feel the repercussions of what you've done someday. Maybe this is why some of us do believe in cause and effect or commonly known as "karma".

So back to the Presidential candidate and the Fleming's discovery examples. From them, I would think that it is not about the universal definition of what is right or wrong at what is deemed right or wrong time. Instead, it is being the best available option or outcome when the situation calls for it. In that way, it will be the right thing at the right time.

Somehow these recent years, i've been caught up with these imperfect timings. I would like to call them my beautiful mistakes. If given a choice, i'd rather be the best person and you be the best person at that specific time, right beside me. Then perhaps we would be the fresh breathe of air for each other at the most appropriate or best time of our lives. On hindsight (and much optimism), they could be right events at right times if i've grown stonger or more experienced out of them. So given a choice right now, i'd would like to try it again. Would you?

Hope is what keeps me breathing.


and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
19:20




Sunday, July 12, 2009

Before i'm a quarter century old.


Red dot has its own microbrewery. The food ain't fantastic but the beer is quite cheap and good quality. Taste fresh and crisp and clear. :) Nice ambience. Live band and they happened to be my batch mates when i was there last week.
Tonight, I was looking at my photos and I realised. I realised I really love to travel and hang out with people. One of the things I must do is to travel to a country alone. Befriend locals and hangout with them for like 10 days. Live their lives; eat like they feed, party like they loco, move like they groove. Perhaps go kenting again and go surf for 3 days then 7 days in taipei, hualian, etc. Or i'll go hongkong and shop, eat, relax for a week on my own. Woohoo! Or learn japanese and go japan on my own!

And before i turn 25, i hope to go these countries with friends and not partners.
1. Japan - sakura and sashimi, ramen, all their yum yum food and shopping, springs.
2. USA - shop, canyon, surf, eat, musicals.
3. Australia - surf, snorkel, fish & chips, fish, eat, shop, musical.
4. China - eat, shop, sights, hike, great wall, relax.

First salary.
:))
Hope!


and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
01:25




Wednesday, July 8, 2009

i wanna live and not merely exist.




Today is commencement. It marks the end of a phase in life and the beginning of another. My university life can be summed up into one word - rollercoaster. Plenty of ups and downs, sweat and tears, smiles and laughters, anger and angst, hopes and dreams, gossips and heart-to-heart talks. My university life was just the psychology department, hall and my exchange in Edinburgh. Okay and maybe the arts canteen. Teehee.

I remembered i came into school, feeling very motivated to study because i've been idle for 6months after A levels. With easier first year modules, I was on the dean's list. Then hall life kicks into my system and with lesser time and same amount of play (i.e., zouk), I fell. I never climbed up that high anymore from there but i maintained my grace, i suppose (?).

Off i went to Edinburgh for a memorable experience. Until now, especially after a recent month long holiday back to Europe and Russia, i feel very fortunate. Many people at my age or even older, have not even been to London, much less say Europe or even Russia. On the other hand, I've celebrated my 21st in Edinburgh and spent my last days as a university student in faraway lands like Russia. I am lucky because i was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth but am still granted these travel bug bitten wishes while i'm young and energetic to backpack.

Hall was major fun in my first 2 years. Got to know massively nice people (and some not so nice people) and made many good friends. Trained together, kick our neighbouring hall's asses in games, partied like a rockstar, drank like fishes, mambo like queens, cry on each other's shoulders and mugged our heads off. Subsequently, staying in hall became a habit, routine. I stayed on for my last 2 years purely because I was too used to waking up just in time for classes which were held in lecture theatres just across the carpark.

At the start of everything new, we assess our final destination and look forward to our goals in bittersweet anticipation. When we finally achieve what we set out to do, more often than not, we would reminisce and relish the long but fulfilling journey in which we embarked on to reach where we are now. Right now, I am feeling it. I'm stuck at an age where i'm too old to fool around but too young to get too serious. There's a Peter Pan in all of us and right now, he's calling out to me.



To live and not exist, you need to hope, to achieve and to enjoy.
May we all never grow old, never grow up, just grow wiser.


and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
23:44




Monday, July 6, 2009

woke up with a heartfelt ache.


for 2 nights in a row, i woke up feeling a sense of emptiness, tinge of regret, guilt, remorse and some form of sadness. Somehow it feels like they are haunting me. Weird, shouldn't it be the other way round?


and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
13:45




Counting on
Kisses Given


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