Close my eyes and i count to ten.

Everything will be wonderful again.
I've come up with a brilliant tag for my "now" feeling.
I feel like the fart caught in my butt.

Be forewarned of an extensive amount of rambling. School's starting and soon i will be able to upload photos with my fujitsu and you can come "read". Meanwhile, i'll let my verbal diarrhoea take place.

~*~*~*~

Nothing has been right since new year's eve. I shudda just left the house and gone out partyin'. Unfortunately, I've been feeling so empty lately. All that routine of meeting new people and wearing that smile on my face makes me feel so jaded. I yearn to have friends meeting up with me, talk to me and let me forget about the pretentious little hypocrites around me.
Gosh, I have this pent up feeling in me that is suffocating me from inside. The twisting of stomach and strangling of throat, they just leave me so breathless and angry. I need to release my anger tomorrow. Somehow convert that inner angry strength into massive pure power of excellent game play. Kinda like the mellow but still threatening version of Mr. Hulk. ;)

It's an icky feeling stuck at the back of your throat. You can't cough it out, you can't swallow it down. You just have to wait it out. Let it turn into a smelly burp or expel out as the smell'ier' fart. DAMN u little weird strange volume of unknown gas. :s

Little Nonya ended with the granny saying something which i couldn't really catch it but would really want to know what she said. Somehow i have the impression she said something about making choices. It can be difficult to make choices sometimes. So just choose the one you think is most suitable in the circumstances that you're caught in.

I'm angry at will smith in seven pounds. His intentions of saving 7 people thus sacrificing himself started out with the intention to ease some of his guilt and that life had become meaningful and guilt'ful' for him since his fiance was dead and in his folly, he killed 7. Subsequently, it seemed to me that his final motivation to sacrifice himself was no longer just because of guilt for the deaths and even less so due to the love for his wife. Most importantly, his death was for his new found love for the girl, Sarah, whom he gave his heart (metaphorically and literally) to. He made me mad because it makes me think of men as being forgetful creatures capable of forgetting their loved ones and loving another.

Too short a period of time, i cannot calm now. Too long and i'll be gone. It's better if something is to be done quickly. It had better be something that would leave me happily soaked in the bright sunshine and to really help gain most credentials back. Even banks these days have tighten their criteria on loan applicants. Why shouldn't I?

It feels like the awkward period of growing up. Clothes are either too childish for you or too mature for you. DAMN. Can someone just do something to get me out?
God, please send your angels and blessings to us all. There's always life if there's still hope. :)) xoxo

and so she ponders, wishes & scribbles
23:10