It's weird that i'm feeling this way but i am so restless to sit down and breathe in the horrible font 9. I seem to have lost my drive yet i can feel it in me. I still have my ride but it's longing for the thirst to be quenched. I need to be constantly doing something, working on something and accomplishing something. What's that something? Darn. I'm missing you.

I don't think i can ever be contented. Not with love, with family, with friends, with work, with play nor with myself. Sadly. I can attempt to change that mindset but it's always temporary. Some things never change, most others do. I can be very happy when i'm in it but when i'm not, when i have time to sit down, to wonder and ponder and chew on it, yes i'm not really happy enough.

What's enough?

This brings me back to the point that there's really no real definition for everything in the world. If you really think about it, everything is subjective and relative to you and your world. What the oxford dictionary or the longman dictionary can do is to give you a benchmark, a vague concept, a narrow frog-in-the-well view of everything. Happiness can only be decided by you. Sadly. I don't think i will ever find happiness and i think the happiest people on earth are those who are most ignorant. Comforting to know that someone else, probably the first person on your address book, the person sitting opposite you in class or your best friend, they're not happy. They may be happy to you but they have their own troubles to pack in their old gym bag. They may be happy by their definitions but not to yours, mine or maybe the girl you met on the train today.

On the other hand, we can be relatively happy. Happy enough to want to live each day, breathing, striving, working, thinking, talking, just hoping that the next day brings a brighter and happier future. For most, money seems to bring on the materialistic smiles but i know a little secret. They cannot be happy either. How can they? All they can be is to be relatively happy. Happy in terms of not having to worry about money but what about their family members, their health, their friends and what-nots?

Well, i am kinda happy with my life now. Not contented kinda happy or in pure perfect utopian kinda bliss but the "thank God things weren't worse" kinda happiness. To me, there's no sweeter day than a day gone by and everyone around me, including me, are still alive. Ironically, i am happy now because i've already know i won't ever be happy enough.