this is how you remind me of who i am

Freshlook Illuminate!

2010-12-01T00:43:00.003+08:00

One of the lucky girls to be doing a review on Freshlook Illuminate! :)
Absolutely comfortable and it's so easy to brighten up your peepers by just putting on your lenses!
And you'll end up fresh looking! :)

Go try a box from your nearest optician! I bet you won't regret! :)

moved.

2010-02-20T02:50:00.003+08:00

i foresee the need for privacy when i start work. :)

By invitation. if not, passwords are upon request.

xoxo

Hope prevails!

Birthdays

2010-02-06T22:37:00.004+08:00

Valentine's Day came early! :) I like this so much better than the birthday parcel. Okay maybe I like the fact that I had awesome company for 10days. ;) Well, 168 crystals is a great number for Chinese New Year!

Someone got engaged and the proposal ring was this. Very pretty but i'm not sure if i'd want this as a proposal ring. I thought something like this is more suitable for engagement bands. :) Something simple and non-protruding diamonds so that you can wear everyday.

I'd much prefer the old fashioned rings like these. Best if custom made. :) Just a simple but top-grade diamond set on a platinum or white gold band. Clarity, colour and size is important. Research and hunting is essential. Afterall, the "yes" to your proposal weighs on this little baby.

Oh man. Love is definitely in the air. I've been hearing so many engagements and weddings happening this year. Talk about being a bad year for wedding bells, people in love just don't give hoots. Makes me kinda excited and anxious to get married. I'm quite a perfectionist but I'm sure there'd be hiccups or little imperfections for my wedding. Yet, the most important factor is the wedding partner. Till then. I'm still hopeful that i'd have a wonderful simple but fun wedding.

Been having good food. Golden Peony is yummy yummy. Valentino's is awesome. Au Petite Salut is good. 3 more restaurants marked out. :) Bought new running shoes so I'll be burning these fats away!

Sometimes, you only need one person to really trust you and it'd seem a little easier to breathe another day. Can't wait for summer. Seems like a lot of happy things are happening then.

Love, Hope & Happiness everyone!

Just because.

2010-01-30T11:18:00.004+08:00

"Just because you're a slut, doesn't make everyone a slut; just because you're a bitch, you made everyone a bitch."
Geddit?

As time goes by, i realised i'm still irked by things people say but i get over them more quickly. It's a sense of "I can't really be bothered". You'd gradually learn over time that what they say don't really matter as long as it doesn't affect your life, lifestyle nor thoughts and behavior.
Fortunately, at most times, they don't.

Things that really irks me (because they affect my daily life):
People not keeping to left of busy escalators.
People who get off the escalators too slowly and then you'd be afraid of stepping on/tripping over them.
People who push or shove to get on and off public transport.

It's interesting to know that sometimes people you think wouldn't bitch nor gossip are those who small talk about everyone else but themselves. How amusing. Hurhur.

I can understand how people would talk about others because i do talk about you, you and you with my own friends. On the other hand, it's a shame that my conversations are seldom about the insignificant you, you and you. Most times, I catch up with my friends, asking about their lives which are much more important to me. If we do talk about others, we speak mostly of the good news we've heard and not the nasty rumours we heard from Tom, Dick and Harry nor the misunderstood times when I see Mary, Jane and Sally with somebody else. It can be fun, these stories, but it can be harmful for your soul. As they say and I believe, karma is all around so what comes around goes around back to you.
I've had my share, really. You think the mud you stepped on was your plain unluckiness? Well, think again.

As you travel around, as you meet more people, you no longer judge people the way you do years ago. You'd become more accepting, tolerant and less judgmental. It's kinda like an inclusive environment as I've learnt in Education Psychology recently. Many kids with ADHD, autism, etc are often excluded from society and misunderstood because we, the regulars, are not familiar with them. However, if you've been lucky and had a kid with learning disability in your class when you were young, you would know they're just like you and me but facing more difficulties than you and me. You wouldn't think they're all weird and look like Frankenstein or that sorta thing. You wouldn't pity them. You wouldn't avoid them. You'd understand them and think of them as regular peers.

So what I'm saying is, sometimes when you speak, someone out there is speaking the same thing of you, be it the truth or not.

An eraser

2010-01-21T01:13:00.003+08:00

i want an eraser
just like a laser
to wipe my bad memories away

I want an eraser
just like a teaser
to make me youthful always

i want an eraser
and a pencil
to solve my problems today

Details in the fabric

2010-01-21T01:11:00.002+08:00

Calm down, deep breaths
And get yourself dressed
Instead of running around
And pulling on your threads
And breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm, then brace it
If it's a broken heart, then face it

And hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
And everything, will be fine.

Hang on, help is on the way
And stay strong, I'm doing everything

Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
Hold your own, know your name
And go your own way.
And everything,
Everything will be fine
Everything...

All the details in the fabric
All the things that make you panic
All your thoughts, results of static cling
All the things that make you blow
Ain't no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked,
It's just the fault of faulty manufacturing
Everything, will be fine
Everything, in time
Everything...
Hearts will hold.

Jason Mraz & James Morrison.

Birthday came early.

2010-01-17T22:53:00.004+08:00

Yay! Thanks bro!

Sometimes i'd wanna travel for a living.

A little hurt.

2010-01-17T02:11:00.003+08:00

This photograph taken in tengboche, nepal, is the weather in my life for now.

I'm having bad pms and feeling real disturbed this weekend. :(

Sometimes all you want is to spend some time together with your loved ones but they only think the worst of you.
If i had really wanted to shop, i didn't have to ask you along and waited all day for you. I could have just bought it for you. Maybe I just wanted to spend some time out with you.
Most often fail to realise their own fault, some find fault with themselves all the time, others don't really care.
It's so difficult to make someone see what you see when they're blinded by their own sights.
I'm guilty of these too.

I'm hopeful but sometimes it's like the moon in the river when all i wanted it to be is the rainbow at the end of a storm.

Bombardment of thoughts.

2010-01-08T23:06:00.003+08:00

Sleeping immediately on a full stomach gave me nightmares. Yikes!

I am gonna have a nice quarter century birthday party! :)) Shall start saving for it. ;)

I miss the feeling of being wooed, properly. Like flowers just because, medicine when i'm a little sick, miss-you texts, your favorite breakfast hanging by the door.

Never had a surprise mega party/celebration. Maybe i never had a mega surprise. Somehow i don't like most surprises. They can be quite awful when they're something you don't really like/want. But a good surprise is really fan-ta-bulous. :)

I wanna have a garage sale!

To-do List When He Comes Visiting.

the french stall
hatched
brunch @ au jardin
high tea st regis
our usual sunwithmoon
big D
chompchomp
:)
lose weight? hahaha!

:))

Christmas came late but it was still pleasant.

I've always enjoyed reading Ms Lee's opinions in ST. I often share her sentiments in many issues, only that she is capable of articulating these thoughts into well-crafted articles but I can only give my unpolished, unrefined two cents worth in my layman mind. I take it as an enriching intellectual addition to the pool of my common knowledge. Everyone should read it every weekend. :)

Shake!

2010-01-03T05:21:00.002+08:00

No matter how you try to shake it off, it seems to just stick to you. It's haunting me.
Sigh. Things you wished you did differently and now you're just

regretting
jealous
envious
frustrated
upset
emo

On the other hand, you know life's been good and will be good. ;) HOPE!

Jolly New Year!

2010-01-01T02:44:00.003+08:00

Awesome picture huh?

Picture says it all.

Happiness. We just have to look out for it. :)

Will talk more about my trip next. Would like some sleep with my new year. ;) Hope is included.

Pursuit.

2009-12-07T02:36:00.002+08:00

Watched "Pursuit of Happyness".
Great story. Love little Christopher or real name, Jaden Smith. Love his name too. Had alot of pensive little moments of my own and the show added more to the stockpile. The trek up Everest Base Camp would be a good time for some self discovery.

God bless us all who hold our hopes high. :) xx

it's here.

2009-12-06T01:53:00.005+08:00

Camp went well. I feel a little under appreciated but at the same time I am relieved that it is over and i am glad for having this team and whatever that has happened. :) Great learning experience! I love kids camps. :)

Leaving on monday. I have hope! :) God bless us all! xoxo

8 days.

2009-11-28T20:30:00.003+08:00

Woohoo! i am going to Nepal on 7th December. Gonna go up 5555m which is 18000feet.

Awesome photographs.
I don't have a fantastic camera but i think it doesnt take a great camera to capture the breathtaking views of something so majestic. :D

I am feeling alittle jittery.

I'm excited.

I am in anticipation of an adventure i'd relish.

Please pray for our health and safety. Hope hope hope! :))

I'll be praying for everyone at the temples!

sudden fear.

2009-11-24T22:04:00.002+08:00

i have this sudden fear that i will never get married.
i want to but i will not because i can't find anyone right. :(
But really, i just don't know what i want.

Don't like depressing thoughts. Must be the Pills.

Angry.

2009-11-22T18:45:00.003+08:00

I think Bilingualism is the way to go!

What happened to immersion as a good way to learn a language? Many studies have shown its effectiveness.
I really feel that to master a language, we'd really have to learn to use it by using it. Using English to teach Chinese should not be an explicit method but one that is used when no other methods suffice or work. GAH! Embrace the fact that Chinese is a language learnt by rote learning and English is, to some extent, a phonology-based language. Okay i am gonna continue on this another day. I learn so much about this in psychology that i feel strongly about this issue. Can someone like Dr Susan educate or advise him?!?

Excitement is...

2009-11-22T12:32:00.001+08:00

a splendid myriad of wonderful feelings.

I did stupid things, i'm still doing silly things. Lemme grow wiser.

It's tough to find a Sunday morning partner.

A white seed for my jug.

2009-11-18T18:40:00.004+08:00

Chinese have many virtues and values to observe and live by. I remembered a story about a man who strives to keep his jug of seeds untainted by black seeds. Everyday he would evaluate himself and if he had live with a clear conscience or did a good deed, he would put in a white seed. If he had done something he shouldn't have, he would have a black seed.

I wouldn't say i am a good person nor a bad person but i did something i'm quite proud of this morning. On the way to buona vista from boon lay, I asked a 35-ish man, who was keeping his head low and reading his book on how to be successful, to give up his priority seat to an old lady. I realised it took me quite abit of courage to stand up for what is right. I felt jittery for awhile but it felt good. :D It's not everyday i am caught such a situation so it's a a good thing i did what i've done otherwise it'll be bugging me the whole day! I'd really want someone to do that for my own ah-ma too.

Makes me feel like Audrey Tautou. :D I like quirky good natured girls.

But i don't think i'd ever be as skinny as she is. Gah. I need to slim down.
School's almost out. GESL is abit of a stress for me. I hope everything goes well. :)) I think i am a very good event coordinator. Like i said, being nice and friendly always helps. I'm thanking my lucky starsss.

I want to...
learn to cook from grandma.
learn to drive and own a car.
learn to ride a horse.
learn golf.
start something.

Nights like these.

2009-11-16T02:40:00.002+08:00

I dread nights like these. Nights when I'm alone, can't sleep, having exams tomorrow, feeling down and intimately wounded.

2009-11-15T12:10:00.003+08:00

Yup, that's gonna be my shoe by the end of this month. As seen on alexa chung's feet. :)

I've heard how comfortable it is and i really hope it is. It's a heavy investment for a school shoe, literally. Critics said that it's school marmish. Hrm, I wonder. I love the classic bow. So crisp. ;)

I saw this on a newyorker-bc blog. Hrm, i'm in love with cream recently. If i am rich enough, i would wanna get this pair next. Yum. Okay, i know i have to save and i've to pay my debts. Argh.

Another retail guilt-tripping gratification buy is the katespade therapy. 25% on top of 75%. :D
The crissy bows are new collections. I think it's adorable for parties or little outings. Just keys, cards, cash and phone. The other is a work-shop bag. Nice. Reminds me of the oh-so-expensive prada workbag.

I think i would get it only next year.

Yah, tell me about it. I'm sucked into consumerism, when there're sales that is. I can't muster any courage to work into a shop in paragon/taka and buy something. It's just doesn't make any economical sense. I know buying them when on sale still doesn't but if you wanna get something and you know you can get them cheaper like in DFS, through connections, overseas shipping, then I just can't stand the thought of not getting them cheaper.

Ah, my ultimate lust is still REAL shopping in France.

Thank you very much.

Can't wait for the final test to be over.

I wanna be...

2009-11-14T03:59:00.003+08:00

a fashion designer
a fashion/lifestyle magazine editor
a travel writer
an american shrink
a singer sensation
an actress
a top model
a politician
a beauty queen
a flight stewardess
a principal
a restaurant owner
a photographer
a child care boss
a swallow in the sky.
hrm, i wanna be so many many wonderful people and things, i need more than a lifetime.

Life's too short. And i'm only 23.

In a blink.

2009-11-09T23:53:00.002+08:00

Many things happen within a blink of an eye.
The pistol shoots.
The car crashes.
The baby is born.
The rain is gone.
Actions acted.
Decisions decided.
Tears fall.
Teardrops dry.
Smile flashes.
Frown flutters.
Heart beats.
Memory remembers.
In a blink of an eye, many things happened.

Today felt like a drama serial except i was the only lead and it was a sad soap opera in the fine drizzle.

Baby, come home. I'm being punished for being lonely. I can only wished, only hope, only hope.

9 held much better days.

2009-11-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

At least things were much simpler.

Protection

2009-11-02T08:31:00.002+08:00

What an important word.

From viruses or invasions of all kinds - illness, computer hacks, preganancy, evil spirits.

You get the idea.

I slept for 3 hours or less because of the lack of protection against computer viruses.

My computer did a virus scan on my thumb and deleted all the files i've prepared for my major presentation today, at 10pm, just when I was going to study for my Math test in a rush.

So i cursed like i never swore before and decided whatever i feel, i would still have to do it so i calmed myself and finished it minimally by 12mn. Then i rushed my rush through math notes and slept at 4.30am.

I also realised i forgot to bring my contact lenses. Gah.

Okay...

I'm up, with java and kaya. Time for the test. God bless me and our mental strength and capabilities. Amen.

Yes i have hope for today.

Happy.

2009-10-31T17:50:00.002+08:00

"If only everyday felt like this, wind through my hair." I bet she had fun. :))
It is starting to end, but we've only just begun. :)

Your story

2009-10-22T18:15:00.002+08:00

Last night, someone kinda spoilt my mood but i got over it quickly. It didnt discount the fact that many evil, vengeful thoughts ran through my mind. He was putting himself on the podium and pushing me to the bottom based on our schools. I thought a very good comeback line would be "hey, we ended up at the same place and you took a longer time right?".
It's quite mean, so i brushed it off my mind. I wished people would exercise more courtesy. I didnt even provoke him. Gah. I think he eventually got the idea that i didn't like his behavior. It wasn't very mature considering he's pretty much older than me. More importantly, I hope he didn't and will not inculcate such values and attitudes in his students.

I'm in the library, watching the evening sun. It's another beautiful end to the day. I saw some people walking around and i thought about how i always felt that everyone must have a fantastic story to share about their life. Even if it were "mundane" relative to someone else's, I'm sure it's worth investigating the reasons behind the differences. I'm glad i did psychology and i think this is why i am a psychology student. I'm so judgemental yet so keen and curious to know. I'd love to keep a scrap book full of stories i've heard.

Will you tell me more?

too fast too furious

2009-10-19T16:51:00.003+08:00

Paul Van Dyk was dope last night. He wasn't fantastic last year and i remembered paying to get in with the med girls yet got disappointed. All's well last night. :)

What's not so swell is I got sucked down the alice wonder hole again!
BAH! This is shit. How? I think God is trying to tell me something. But where's the bed of roses at the end? I think i've landed on the thorns.
Ended too quickly, i've not even had enough fun yet! I'm so gonna try, won't you lemme?

Meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night & day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

i wanna feel it baby, come on gimme hope and realise us.

increasingly.

2009-10-14T01:38:00.002+08:00

i've always loved bright colours but i can feel the world around me becoming grey.
i'm growing old and cynical. i no longer laugh like i used to. i worry more. i think more. i feel sore. i don't like this feeling growing inside me. why is it when A happens when B happens, but when it comes to me, B happens and A doesn't? It had to happen not once, not twice but too many times. I hate being cheated and stuck in the middle. I don't know how to get rid of this gnawing feeling and thought. It's unhealthy. I'm becoming bitter. I still want my bright colours.

F**K

2009-10-10T14:30:00.002+08:00

When he's here for zoukout i'm in nepal. Cold and deprived of alcohol, good music and a great danceout. F**K F**K F**K! when will i ever meet him!!!!!!!! ARGH!

Hardly breathing

2009-10-09T18:02:00.002+08:00

I don't understand how can two persons be happy together when they know personally they have been cheating on each other but the other doesn't know?
Doesn't your guilt haunt you?
Wouldn't you want your relationship to be built on trust and intimacy?
Is it really a habit so difficult to break?

Someone once told me, it's the ability to withheld and keep secrets that would make a relationship work. I understand where that is coming from, and in many situations it may be right but just for me, myself, I'd beg to differ. I'm not being a saint and say no cheating, I'm just hoping for some honesty and remorse.

I don't understand many many things. The more i know, the more i don't know.
I just don't want to be in such situations, ever.

School keeps me so busy. I don't recall ever working so hard for a long long long time.
I'm not smart. I just keep myself afloat. One day, living each day just to be happy may be my downfall. Of course, let that never happen and let hope keep me alive. God bless. xx

people are too rich

2009-10-08T13:41:00.001+08:00

prada stuff are sold out again and it's only an hour into the sale.

Kill

2009-10-05T01:03:00.001+08:00

I know what i should do but i just can't walk away.

baby baby baby. come home soon!

I'm no longer living.

2009-10-02T15:20:00.003+08:00

Just days of school and moving on and on in monotony. Going out and having fun but not feeling the rush of adrenaline anymore. It's all been so mundane. Don't know what to do anymore.

Try to reach out to me touch my hand.

And i can't moved.

2009-09-20T17:32:00.002+08:00

It's just so weird how so many events have happened, things changed, people moved on, old stuff gone and new stuff came along yet i find myself back to where i started right when i came back. Now i don't know what i want, i feel like a piece of driftwood. I wished i knew what i wanted or maybe someone just make things happen.

At red dot, i was sitting with you and your friends and this song played.
I have run, I have crawled
I have scaled these city walls, these city walls
Only to be with you.
But i still haven't found what i'm looking for
But i still haven't found what i'm looking for

it used to feel like heaven.

2009-09-11T12:23:00.002+08:00

Corine Bailey Rae sings my heart today.

I used to be a fish in the water.
I used to be the gamekeeper.
Now i'm a piece on the chessboard.
No longer in control.
Oh man, when will karma start turning the other way?

Pageant is this sunday evening and then i will start missing everything.

Still, still trying to keep hope alive. God's been kind. Amen.

Silly Young Things.

2009-09-11T03:24:00.000+08:00

Hrm.

lovesick.

2009-09-08T18:22:00.002+08:00

I'm still on antibiotics. Each visit is 50bucks. Oh i'm lovesick & i want them to serenade to me!

I don't care what anyone says.
No matter who curses me, I'll only look at you.
If i am born again, it will still be only you.
Even as time flies by.

And this bloody song is superbly catchy. It really just lifts mood! I wanna dance along! woohoo! :))

School.

2009-09-06T22:51:00.003+08:00

i love school but i hate being assessed. It kills my joy for learning. So i really really hate tests that matter so much. Please wish me good luck. Pageant has been raping me outta my time.

Oh and i really miss the kids at the tuition centre. It's one of the reasons why i'm still there despite a really packed schedule and an unattractive remuneration. I actually felt a toad in my throat when the aunty told me the kids were disappointed that i wasn't around because it was teachers' day and they wanted to give me something. :S

:) i like my job. it's a bane to wake up early everyday but i really enjoy teaching.

Okay back to student life tomorrow. God, please help me with the grammar test!!
Hope hope hope.

Lust

2009-09-02T14:49:00.002+08:00

The sale was 12pm. I went online at 12.06pm and it was sold out. It's a sign i shouldn't spend. But it's gorgeous! Matches my neon pink+black dress and shoes!

rain clouds.

2009-08-28T03:52:00.003+08:00

i don't know how long more i can tolerate this.
has the sunshine really left the skies?

i hate feeling sick.
i hate not having a hug before i sleep.

i wished i were more hopeful.
Is this the start of the scary ageing downhill?

Hoping very hard for hope.

Rewind.

2009-08-20T19:38:00.002+08:00

And so i'm 19 once again. Cool. I wonder if it'll be as fun and enriching! ;)
School's really really really draining!
Hope hope hope! :)

The True Sense of Being

2009-08-16T22:14:00.006+08:00

is feeling alone amongst the crowd.

I want him!

2009-08-09T13:42:00.002+08:00

He's the cutest person to me right now.
I love to watch him work his magic.
Yum.

Food is Gold.

2009-08-02T23:33:00.004+08:00

I had an wonderful saturday with the med girls. Although i was a little @#% that it was almost cancelled, lucky it wasn't because i was already on my way down. Poor nat would have been stranded too. It wouldnt be too pleasant.
Tanglin Tree has nice brunch, pretty good service and i love the white/lime interior. Very refreshing. We sat there for hours just chatting. Rou was sucha hilarious girl lah. All her mimicries of people in med is absolutely funny. Ticks and what not. If you do go Tanglin Tree, please order the banana bread with coconut milk. It is heavenly! Yum! :) I honestly think that brunches served in most places in Singapore only makes you wanna wake up late enough to savour the joy of breakfast but early enough to bask in some cheery morning sunlight.

Then the 2 giants and me, the mini giant, went to Epicurious for their wonderful cakes. Their Apple Crumble just gives you the warm fuzzy feeling on a lazy Saturday afternoon. We decided that cheese platter was good too so we had a platter of 3 picks. Mental note: Manchego Rosemary is yummy for snacking. Bite-licious.

After that delicious post brunch dessert/tea time snack, we went on to play billard in marina. We suck. Hahaha! After an hr, we went to Paulaner Brauhaus for meat feast. What was to be a light post heavy tea/predinner snack became a full blown dinner. The currywurst was fantastic. Love haystack kinda fries! Yum yum yum! Lamb shank was -.- and pink roasted beef (thin slices of semi-roasted beef) was -.- I think i prefer beef carpaccio. :))

So to end it all up, we bowled. It was the first time xue ever bowled and she was bowled over! hahahaa! Actually we all were. I think it was fun and my nails didnt break! The last time i visited an alley was probably in secondary school. Hahaha!

All in all, we all had wholesome fun rather than clubbing all the time. Oo0o0o0o... i love brunches. I want someone to wake up to and drive me to all the lovely brunches! Slurp! :))

On a darker note, i spent too much on food which gets excreted in the end and stinky sch starts tomorrow and i've not moved into hall. BLAH.

On a brighter note, I'm still on my Hope theory.

?

2009-07-22T16:30:00.002+08:00

held on tightly to you
every waking morning
as i take in every breathe
not so secretly and not so gently
to keep every piece of you
in every part of me
while it has all been gone
it was once a perfect harmony

Perfect Timings & Beautiful Mistakes

2009-07-17T19:20:00.003+08:00

Had a chat with a friend last night. Coincidentally (unfortunately for the friend), we always seem to discuss about the L aspect of life. Many of us already know that doing the right thing at the right time is important. Saying this, doing the wrong thing at the right time is also very important if you do not want to be caught. Sadly, i've yet to perfect this.
Is doing the wrong thing at the wrong time and doing the right thing at the wrong time really that disasterous?

If a theory is refuted, it is no longer true.

Example: Theoretically, not keeping your experimental items properly in a clean laboratory and causing contamination is a big boo-boo. Fleming forgot to keep his petri dish of Staphylococcus plate culture and that allowed contamination. The next day, he found blue-green mould of inhibited bacterial growth which repressed the growth of bacteria and it was Penicillium! Fleming did the wrong thing at the "theoretically" wrong time but it turns out to be an important scientific discovery!

So this wrong thing (left petri dish out) was done at the appropriate time (it was when the petric dish had Staphylococcus and not some other cultures which could not have led to growth of penicillium) or that it was actually a right thing (discovery of penicillin) done at the wrong time (shouldnt have left the laboratory without storing the petric dish properly)?

I hope you got my drift.

What I'm trying to convey is that timings are very important and subjective to the current circumstances. Well sometimes a Presidential candidate may not be the best speaker or draw up the best policies but they provided people novel ideas, gave new hope to the people and that people just want a change from the norm. So the winner may not be the Best Man out there but he is definitely available at the Best Time or Right time.

At other times, one might get unlucky. We jump into conclusions pre-maturely, have judgements made too soon or catalyse processes that are meant to work in seqeunce. Conversely, we force things to slow down, ponder and mull over too many choices, rationalized every small aspect of the situation. These may result in unpleasant consequences but i believe every little single piece of lesson we learn from these actions at flawed timings, either too early or too late, would become part and parcel of the "wiser" person we are now.

Of course, some of us never seem to get out of this vicious cycle of bad timings yet these will still serve as milestones or a stepping stone to whatever that lies ahead of us. No one action, deed or conversation is wasted. Ripple effect or butterfly effect. Someone, something, somewhere will definitely feel the repercussions of what you've done someday. Maybe this is why some of us do believe in cause and effect or commonly known as "karma".

So back to the Presidential candidate and the Fleming's discovery examples. From them, I would think that it is not about the universal definition of what is right or wrong at what is deemed right or wrong time. Instead, it is being the best available option or outcome when the situation calls for it. In that way, it will be the right thing at the right time.

Somehow these recent years, i've been caught up with these imperfect timings. I would like to call them my beautiful mistakes. If given a choice, i'd rather be the best person and you be the best person at that specific time, right beside me. Then perhaps we would be the fresh breathe of air for each other at the most appropriate or best time of our lives. On hindsight (and much optimism), they could be right events at right times if i've grown stonger or more experienced out of them. So given a choice right now, i'd would like to try it again. Would you?

Hope is what keeps me breathing.

Before i'm a quarter century old.

2009-07-12T01:25:00.005+08:00

Red dot has its own microbrewery. The food ain't fantastic but the beer is quite cheap and good quality. Taste fresh and crisp and clear. :) Nice ambience. Live band and they happened to be my batch mates when i was there last week.

Tonight, I was looking at my photos and I realised. I realised I really love to travel and hang out with people. One of the things I must do is to travel to a country alone. Befriend locals and hangout with them for like 10 days. Live their lives; eat like they feed, party like they loco, move like they groove. Perhaps go kenting again and go surf for 3 days then 7 days in taipei, hualian, etc. Or i'll go hongkong and shop, eat, relax for a week on my own. Woohoo! Or learn japanese and go japan on my own!

And before i turn 25, i hope to go these countries with friends and not partners.
1. Japan - sakura and sashimi, ramen, all their yum yum food and shopping, springs.
2. USA - shop, canyon, surf, eat, musicals.
3. Australia - surf, snorkel, fish & chips, fish, eat, shop, musical.
4. China - eat, shop, sights, hike, great wall, relax.

First salary.
:))
Hope!

i wanna live and not merely exist.

2009-07-08T23:44:00.006+08:00

Today is commencement. It marks the end of a phase in life and the beginning of another. My university life can be summed up into one word - rollercoaster. Plenty of ups and downs, sweat and tears, smiles and laughters, anger and angst, hopes and dreams, gossips and heart-to-heart talks. My university life was just the psychology department, hall and my exchange in Edinburgh. Okay and maybe the arts canteen. Teehee.

I remembered i came into school, feeling very motivated to study because i've been idle for 6months after A levels. With easier first year modules, I was on the dean's list. Then hall life kicks into my system and with lesser time and same amount of play (i.e., zouk), I fell. I never climbed up that high anymore from there but i maintained my grace, i suppose (?).

Off i went to Edinburgh for a memorable experience. Until now, especially after a recent month long holiday back to Europe and Russia, i feel very fortunate. Many people at my age or even older, have not even been to London, much less say Europe or even Russia. On the other hand, I've celebrated my 21st in Edinburgh and spent my last days as a university student in faraway lands like Russia. I am lucky because i was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth but am still granted these travel bug bitten wishes while i'm young and energetic to backpack.

Hall was major fun in my first 2 years. Got to know massively nice people (and some not so nice people) and made many good friends. Trained together, kick our neighbouring hall's asses in games, partied like a rockstar, drank like fishes, mambo like queens, cry on each other's shoulders and mugged our heads off. Subsequently, staying in hall became a habit, routine. I stayed on for my last 2 years purely because I was too used to waking up just in time for classes which were held in lecture theatres just across the carpark.

At the start of everything new, we assess our final destination and look forward to our goals in bittersweet anticipation. When we finally achieve what we set out to do, more often than not, we would reminisce and relish the long but fulfilling journey in which we embarked on to reach where we are now. Right now, I am feeling it. I'm stuck at an age where i'm too old to fool around but too young to get too serious. There's a Peter Pan in all of us and right now, he's calling out to me.

To live and not exist, you need to hope, to achieve and to enjoy.
May we all never grow old, never grow up, just grow wiser.

woke up with a heartfelt ache.

2009-07-06T13:45:00.002+08:00

for 2 nights in a row, i woke up feeling a sense of emptiness, tinge of regret, guilt, remorse and some form of sadness. Somehow it feels like they are haunting me. Weird, shouldn't it be the other way round?

selfish beings

2009-06-29T22:49:00.002+08:00

C'mon, no matter how altruistic you appear to be, there has to be at least one time that you failed to think for others.
It feels a little sad to know that you were just a speck of dust in someone's vault of memories especially when the feeling is not mutual. What comes around, goes around. Well i do it to someone else, someone else does it to me.

I'm kinda drifting along. I'm amazed at how some people can find it so easy to commit to a single person so quickly. Perhaps commit at a level where dating is exclusive but to enter a serious relationship would be frivolous when decided within a short time frame. Maybe i am jealous because i haven't really met someone to tie me down. Maybe i am right. Maybe i'm entering the grey area.

What's true and real is that i am broke. Not yet working but already in debts. I hate the thought of it. That's what happens when you travel too much, too far and shop, eat and play in abundance. I still trying to get used to weather here. Body is having alot of negative reactions to it. A wave of zitopia went by. Still recovering from it.

I want to be rich and successful!

There, i've said it. Everyone has said it at least one in their lives and so here's mine. I'm sure there'll be more. Learning from MJ, as much as we love his songs, dance moves, we know he is not really the perfect role model. The debts, the mentally unsound actions and all that surgery. What shocking news! Too early too soon. I would have wanted to hear him at his uk tour.

First day in school and miserly pay is already running.

Everything stems from having hope. :)) Let's hope.

and then i realised.

2009-06-26T00:00:00.002+08:00

it was the anger and the questions of why, like seriously, why?
then it soured like the old spinster granny of granny smiths.
but when it ended, it became a prick in the left side of my ribcage.
choked alil, eyes were warm and nose felt tickled.
after awhile it became, "have i lost so much hope in wholes that i deprived myself of real chances, only to gain instant gratifications and feel like shit in the end?"
F no. Please. Gimme hope.

I <3 Bubbly Blue

2009-06-22T01:00:00.003+08:00

Bright blue shades always makes me happy especially when it's in contrast with lush green grass or fluffy white clouds. I guess I'm really a sunshine girl. Can't really imagine living in dire winter states. The ideal? Cool spring/summer days in Europe. That's why you should always travel to Europe during Apr/May/June. May days are perfect. :))

And this is my Anti Gravity Shot in Moscow. The Red Square/Krelim neighbourhood.

I hope that all my days will be happy May days. :))

PTD

2009-06-17T01:46:00.002+08:00

nope, not post traumatic stress disorder. It's my post travel depression.

i'm so tired of wanting.
so sick of picking flowers by the streets
and end up hurting myself with the wild thorns
hidden beneath the coloured petals.
i'm so angry of wanting.
so frustrated from walking in the cold rain
and forgetting to cover myself with the brolly
drenched in my perfect Sunday dress.
will you just come home quickly?

London, UK

2009-06-11T08:56:00.004+08:00

Love the weather. Had so much fun everywhere i've been and I wished i had a longer holiday. Thankful. xx

Moscow, Russia

2009-05-31T06:21:00.004+08:00

Definitely a brighter and friendlier city than St Petersburg. Everyone is less uptight, more smiles and laughter especially with the radiant sun and more people speak or understand English. :)) However there are more militia (cops) and everytime we see one, we tend to feel a little nervous because we've heard so many 'horror' stories about bribery or randomly sending people into detentions. After an enjoyable ballet in St Petersburg, The Nutcracker, we caught the Moscow Circus as well. It was colourful and entertaining especially for the children in all of us. I quite liked it. It was a novel experience. Better than the one i watched in Edinburgh which was an utter waste of money.
Had a great time in Russia and it was worth all that money and effort in applying visa. :)) Language is a huge barrier but the beauty of this place cannot be undermined. Oh well, good times fly by and i'll be going to Czech Republic tomorrow. This is my 2nd visit to the lovely country and I'll be exploring the suburbs so I hope i'll have a good time. Hopefully a good break from all this walking around and visiting attractions, one after another.

I had initially wanted to see if it would be affordable to extend my holiday and head over to lisbon for their carnival but it would cost me 800sgd to change my return flight and 500sgd to book a return flight to lisbon. Not worth the money and effort anymore (and maybe because they've all moved on).
Was feeling a little down and i think it's got something to do with the zit on my chin and pms. Of course, the leftover feelings were at the back of my head. I don't wanna always be sleeping with butterflies because i do believe i'm worth coming home to.

Ah yes, i guess there're greater plans ahead for me. Results were okay and time to move on to a new phase of my life, moving towards working life as an adult. :( Now i understand why some people don't like growing up. It may be cowardly but it is a lot of fun without the strings attached. I wanna be peterpan! :P

Meanwhile, i guess it's still my great escape from reality and in beautiful Europa. :)

May all things be wonderful. xoxo

Rush to Russia

2009-05-27T04:06:00.002+08:00

Russia, sucha exotic place to be in. I came here full of anticipation and excitement, as well as worry and fear. It is a country where few friends i know have been to and it is also an infamous place for their crime rates. Fortunately, it has been rather pleasant in St Petersburg. I hope it continues to be beautiful and wonderful and safe. :))
My impression of St Petes is that it seems like a very regimental city. The metro stations look very futuristic. I felt like i stepped into some matrix movie. Well not all stations look so futuristic but most are. With the metal arcs, concealed train entrances and railways to prevent people from jumping onto the platforms. Plus, the metros are superbly deep below the city so it takes around 5-10mins for the escalator to reach frm the ground level to the trains. Amazing. I could almost fall asleep on the escalator and i am really too tired everyday to scale up the frigging long escalator. The train carriages are always very very quiet. Noone smiles, noone speaks. It is kinda stifling for me and yz since we both love to be noisy, silly and laugh. Occasionally you see young couples or young people whispering sweet nothings, smiling lovingly at each other or making a din but this is not a frequent sight. Okay, so this is the deepest first impression st petes gave me. As days go by, i find it increasingly charming and I think i can breathe in this city afterall. :)) It also helps that it is the start of White Nights which is when the sun sets at only 12mn and rises up by 4am. How cool. :P Happy warm daylight!

Can't wait for moscow but i don't want this holiday to end yet.

May all things go smoothly, God bless. Amen. xoxo

Warsaw, Poland

2009-05-22T16:38:00.001+08:00

Weather is so good here. Sunny yet only 20 degrees? :)) My skin is so dry!!! After that surf class in lisbon. Argh! I miss everyone and everything in lisbon so much. xoxo

Lisbon, Portugal

2009-05-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

It's great weather. 16 degrees. I'm never warm unless under covers but i prefer this to sweating buckets. Everything is just cool and chill. Jab and friends are nice so it's a great escape. :))

the weather was fickle
but it shone when you spoke of love
then the rain came along
and the line got disconnected
that's when my heart was broken
so i left with a frown
forced to smile
confused about the weather
to wear or to bear
what happens when everything returns
i think i'm yours
so will you give me too?

Money & Me + Nostalgia.

2009-05-08T01:30:00.004+08:00

Recently i've been spending a bomb. I spent 1000+ on intra europe air tickets, 800 on skin stuff, 400 on eyewear, 300 on clothes and shoes, 200++ on foooood. F up man. Where do i get all these money? Okay I've enough dough k? So dont worry bro. No debts.
Oh and recently i love pazzion shoes. Bought the white sandals and gold covered shoes which yw says is comfy. :)) Good for walking and work.
Seriously, spending money when you have money feels good. If you're rich, you feel good for awhile and that's it. If you're not rich, you feel gratified for awhile then you feel shitty for spending money. What keeps you happier longer is to earn money through investing, through hardwork, whatever, as long as you get the hypothesized gold at the end of that miraculous rainbow. :))

I went for my last jog around NUS. I never run long distances and my legs (knee n ankle) cannot withstand the slopes so the only one i run on is the one in arts. I would run outta school then back into school then across arts then back to hall. All in 20 minutes or so. Slow, night run, alone. The way i like it. Alone. Sometimes, some things are done better alone. You know you pressure yourself and so you would only perform worse if more external pressure were added. Pressure is a motivating factor towards a goal but it can also be a destructive force that brings you down to the pits.
Running, time to move on.

:))

Peter Pan & Friends.

2009-04-29T22:11:00.003+08:00

Although i am excited and eager to move on to my next phase of life, i am not delighted at the thought of leaving all the younger, fond memories behind especially the fact that i have to mature and be responsible. Will i still be pardoned for being young, foolish and daring? Do i still have the time to live each day as it is without thinking? I'm not sure but right now, i think most of us still refuses to grow up. In fact, many of those who are supposed to be "adults" act like "juveniles", abuse their power that comes from age by acting in irresponsible or childish manners.

One last paper but i'm relunctant to study for it. I'm sleeping 12 hours a day and i think i'm trying to escape from the impending event of graduation. I hate teary endings. But without them, how can we learn to move on to possibly greater and happier beginnings?

Sweet, sweet embrace, the hopeful picture of the plans ahead.

Acting on Differences

2009-04-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

:) i like this sweet picture of claymation and love tori amos's sleeps with butterflies alot recently. Every detail, colours or even names has a significance.

Examinations are really coming. I'm missing NUS and all the times i've had. Good or bad, they made me who i am today. Everyday i still carry some hope, plenty of smartness, a dash of good luck and the usual charm.

Wasted.

2009-04-21T00:51:00.003+08:00

More photos i found. Although i dont like the taste of butter iced tea (just one of the 4 shots they added in or was it the addition of champage?) but it sure is gd to kickstart nights.

Wasted a day away from notes and infront of computer fervently searching for cheap air tickets and accomodating each other's schedule. Finally all my tickets are booked. Very expensive i must say and i sorta made a booboo. Could've saved myself 50bucks. :(( Oh well. I really really don't know how am i gonna get dough for this grad trip. :S Still need to look for places to stay in Poland, Russia and London. Especially Russia, wish me lotsa good luck man! No more northern ireland or istanbul. Sigh. I really hope this trip is fun. Really looking forward to the stretch with Jab in Portugal. Awesome. Gonna try wakeboarding and his portugese friend has the 2nd largest house in town. Cool.

Okay, me need study more. God, please bless me with wisdom, strength and good luck! Amen. May the mug force be with us! Teehee. Hope!

Labrador Park

2009-04-19T00:38:00.005+08:00

Nice. Virgin rides. Painful gravel floor. Killer pongpong pink flowers. Very awesome canopy of stars. :))

As i've prophesied, i butter-ed. Was fun only because the company was goooooddddd! I know because friday stinks mother big time. Aftermath Rebel played good musik too. Darn, shudda brought camera! These are grabbed from fb. Hehe.

I'm given another chance, another shot! Please let the way forward be mighty bright! I really hope i would adequately qualify for the programme. It was something i wanted right at the start. Wish me the greatest good luck in the world! :))

Besides, portugal, everyother plans stink. I'm usually not the one who plans or at least i have someone to help me, i feel alone on this one, that's why. Sianz.

Feels like a bubble yet is sweet as gum but sometimes it's kinda dull. 0o0o0o... i love the smile. Sunshine perks! :)) Nice.

Exams are like a distant notion to me but i am feeling the stress because i know my 2 wasted weeks is biting back at me. Just one more in NUS. bitterSWEET.

Around 9 more for openbk.
8 themes to digest and analyse then assimilate before spewing out intelligent talk.
5 days to eat 10 chapters and regurgitate. Ultimate :S!

Please give me a octo core processor of 5.0GHz, RAM 16GB, HDD 1000GB.
Read fast, process fast and lotsa capacity to store and recall. Whoohooo!

God bless us all! May the mug force be with us! HOPE! :))

Nights i can't sleep.

2009-04-14T01:50:00.006+08:00

After i handed up the thesis last monday, i've been doing absolutely nothing constructive enough to feel satisfied. Nothing.

Watched Confessions of a shopaholic before embarking on our shopaholic spree. Well not much of a spree, i only bought 2 simple tops. I keep telling myself to buy stuff i could wear to work as well. Haha. Was told i had fine lines under my eye because i love to rub my eye. Darn, how did she know!? Yup, i fell for it and bought this cool eye cream. ~~Hopefully i am not too lazy to keep up the routine.~~ *sheepish* Had great tasting curry udon courtesy of seok & we bought delicious rive gauche choco cake for dessert. It was good monday night to sleep.

Tuesday came and dashed by, Wednesday was presentation then band practice and a failed attempt to chillout with beer.

I finally learnt to play pool on Thursday and enjoyed a long relaxing night doing nothing but drink and talk and sing. I like that. :)) Didn't really like the part when i think i talked abit too much. :X

Met up for coffee with a junior and realizing how old i am. F. Do u remember how it felt to be worrying about what uni to study and what scholarship to apply to? I'm already getting out of one! Phew.
Then it was shopping and dinner and KTV! Woohoo! My 3rd ever ktv session. Or maybe 2nd? I can't really remember. It was fun and i did more shopping damage. This time on clothes i wouldnt teach in. :S That was Friday.

Saturday was dinner and zoukkkkk! Was kinda boring but as the morning hours crept in, it brought along some interesting events. Someone was cheating and someone cheated. Sigh. And i had to witness it. Disappointment.

No matter what happens, zouk has left many fond and terrible memories etched to my mind. And i am very sure that it is the same for many of us. Ah, definitely a SG's icon to many of us.
So loyal i am, i have not visited butter. But i'm pretty sure i will soon. Considering how i like the greasy american sliders they offer at Overeasy. Yum! :p

I miss days like these.

i think someone took the sun from my flowers.

Oh lemme study and get out soon. Let's hope that everything goes well. :))

<3 my wardrobe

2009-04-09T02:09:00.004+08:00

Okay girls! I've a new website selling clothes i can't wear or bought too many of.
Can't bear to throw. Do give some support! I just updated with a pair of GAP super skinny jeans which i love so much but i can't wear it when i came back to Singapore.

Think the weather here is too hot/humid, many shoes and jeans i used to be able to wear in UK can't fit me back here. Sobs. The update also includes a H&M tank top and primark brown top.

Okay, go see see look look whenever you're free oki? MUAHZ!

http://heartmywardrobe.blogspot.com

Lost.

2009-04-04T03:13:00.003+08:00

I've been so busy with work that i've not had proper sleep. My biological clock has turned tupsy-turvy. As the due date of my thesis approaches, i feel a deep sense of loss. It suddenly seems so real that i've reached another milestone of my life and i'm already almost quarter century old. I've not achieved much, I can't honestly say i've been living life the way i want and be happy and I've not obtained the satisfaction of living yet.

A friend i met today told something.
You're someone who's probably not gonna get the happily after ending although you think you want it. Because even if you've found happiness, you would always crave for some drama, some excitement.
Reminds me of the movie, "He's just not that into you". We shall and must all grow out of this.

I may not subscribe to any particular faith but i've faith in Him and whoever He is, I believe He has plans for me. Let's all have Hope and be Hippy Happy! :))

My Personal Therapy

LuLu Therapy

Singing therapy

DAMN.

2009-03-30T22:50:00.002+08:00

Remember what i said about boring things becoming interesting just because you're deskbound?
I finished all the episodes and am waiting for the latest ones to be aired in Korea.

Talk about obsession. I love JP n YH. Uber cute. Argh.

God bless the test i've tomorrow. Gimme HOPE.

Awesome Ability oozes Awesomeness.

2009-03-29T01:19:00.003+08:00

I feel so lily allen tonight. I like brit pop, brit fashion. i think i might like to get her album. I like jesse mccartney too. i know it's kinda kiddish and gay but it's catchy pop. It's when you're stuck with doing work that every little thing seems to promise so much greater fun. And i know many of you out there have your own set of troubles and worries and disappointments and fears, we all thrive on hopes and dreams and support from fellow friends and strangers. This awesome awesome ability to pretend nothing happened and smile when needed to, socialize when put into and be nice when you have to. Yet behind all this smiles and niceties, it's a pile of crumbled up pie that has been dropped and abandoned on the floor, left to be trampled on. Oh no, we're not gonna just be piles of dung, we have this amazing talent to get back and all we need is something, someone, some concept, some notion, some hope. :))

tonight i was wondering why do i always feel that people who live to fulfil their ambitions seem to be placed at higher statues when compared to those who live to fulfil their simple lives of being the regular salary man who's happily married? And i realised we were all wrong. noone has a goal more noble than yours, it's which side you're looking at. we can be from different worlds and backgrounds, but if only we could just stop to look at each other at the same place in time, then we would understand and slowly catch up with each other, compromising and right in the middle.

the other day i recalled how i used to imagine myself in a giant field of sweet lingering scent, green green grass dotted with pretty blossoms, sit by a big oak tree, reading a book, playing a song and next to you. i'm still short of that "you". *censored irresponsible thought* Come to think of it, i'm gonna be 1/4 century old. time really really waits for no man.

this may sound superficial but i really can't wait to go catch a movie, chillout with good food, drinks, music and friends and indulge in some retail therapy.

Stressful stuff i need to get over in the last stretch of my 4 years marathon.
Just a test.
Just a report.
Just a thesis.
Just a presentation.
Just a lot of trip planning and booking.
then it'll be time for my last NUS examinations as an undergrad.

I'm feeling alittle emo at this thought. I had many great memories while i was in NUS, none as wonderful as those in hall. There were the orientations where i was oriented by oldies and then i orient newbies, the pageants, the bashes, the many trainings, dancing, singing. Flashes of images running through my mind. Although it was only for 1 semester, i think the most memorable ones were the times i had Awesome neighbours. ;) All that late nights, impromptu zouking, wine and whines and HTH talks. Maybe i shouldn't have gone for my exchange so quickly. Interestingly, i was only there because i didn't know where else to stay but it turned out to be one of the best decisions i've made. Never know what surprises life throws at you.

Hopefully, always the pleasant surprises. :))

Just wanna say.

2009-03-27T00:40:00.002+08:00

i'm sorry. i hope when the time comes, everything would work out fine and i'll be happy and everyone is happy. i think things would have been good if you were here. so so so much happier. times like these pass by too slowly while times like meeting deadlines come by too quickly.

Gotta learn to forgive and forget. Gotten learn to breathe and relax. :))
God bless me, you and all of the people.

Gotta keep it real.

2009-03-26T04:33:00.003+08:00

Wonder.Anticipation.Happy.Confused.Sinful.Bad.

i need to study real quick and smart.
thesis is at the back of my mind. i want it so badly.

God bless tired souls like me. Please?
I'm having faith in hoping. Hopeeeeee!

I can.

2009-03-23T13:41:00.002+08:00

No matter what, I have to survive and thrive in these 2 gruelling weeks. My thesis, my test, my report and my presentation are all at stake. While i pray for strength and determination as well as wisdom, I also remember the articles on the Pope's call against condoms in HIV/AIDS stricken africa.
Yes, condom is a very practical and efficient way of possibly reducing the spread of the deadly virus. However, i can understand where the Pope came from. It is against his religious teachings to use contraceptives. It is also not religiously right to be engaging in sexual infidelities for all the followers. So when one plus the other, you get the Pope's point of view. Be sexually faithful or abstain from sex. Besides, abstinence is the guaranteed way of not getting any STDs or HIV/AIDS since condoms may have that 1% chance of failing to work. I think social workers should still promote use of condoms but tap on religion to persuade fidelity and encourage abstinence. So i can understand why everyone so worked up but is it necessary?

Okay back to the papers. God bless me and my hopes. :))

Tummy Bummy

2009-03-19T20:02:00.002+08:00

I had double whammy yesterday.

A minor 'amsterdam' incident. Ate bad pork porridge. Fever + Chills + Shit all day + lotsa deadlines = Friggin SIANZ.
F**king worst grade for an essay in 4 yrs and everever. WTF. Seriously.

There had to minor hiccups to make your day worse of course.

3. Printer doesn't work. Got stuck even when i wanted to save paper by double side printing manually.

4. Was busy catching up with work in school, i went home during peak hour. :( Booked a cab who got lost and made me wait 1/2hr in the hot evening sun. Got fed up, i cancelled his booking and immediately booked another. Jam was bad and cab ride was 23bucks.

5. There wasn't special dinner for me at home. It was "muey" again. And mum was kinda in bad mood so i "tio" all the arrows and parangs. Decided it was unsafe to stay home, went hall for band prac.

6. Decided to take a surprise ride out, paid for the ride and only to realise we had the same idea to visit. :S Waste my muuuullllaaaaaaa!

Yup and that concluded a very bad bad day. So glad it ended. Too bad that grade can't be erased off. I think i should go find out what's wrong any way.

I have so many things i want. My laptop which is old and cranky. I'm thinking of getting new one. I really hope she'll last me till August please.

It was a good morning. It also left me wondering, why?

Some day somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you gonna let 'em hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know
Don't you know things'll change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day
Can you hold on for one more day
Things'll go your way
Hold on for one more day

-Wilson Phillips with Hold On.

I will wait for you.

2009-03-13T04:21:00.004+08:00

And so Fry found the fossil of his beloved dog and decided to clone him. However he realized that his dog, Seymour died at a ripe old age of 15 yrs which was 12 years after he went missing. He thought seymour had forgotten about him and went on to live a long happy life. Thus Fry felt disappointed and didn't want to clone Seymour anymore. Little did he know, Seymour waited for him by the pizza place all his life.

With Connie Francis's song, I will wait for you, in the background, this futurama episode was friggin depressing for me. Haha. Enjoy the melancholy. :)

And here's the full song.

If it takes forever I will wait for you
For a thousand summers I will wait for you
'Till you're back beside me, 'till I'm holding you
'Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

Anywhere you wander, anywhere you go
Every day remember how I love you so
In your heart believe what in my heart I know
That forever more I'll wait for you

The clock will tick away the hours one by one
And then the time will come when all the waiting's done
The time when you return and find me here and run
Straight to my waiting arms

If it takes forever I will wait for you
For a thousand summers I will wait for you
'Till you're here beside me, 'till I'm holding you
And forever more sharing your love

And forever more I'll wait for you.

I'm in love with such oldies. And i can only have hope.

Good night world. xoxo

Deafening Silence

2009-03-10T03:36:00.004+08:00

Yes, i've The Killer's All These Things I've Done on my itunes. itunes, the best way to explore new/old music. How lovely. It's 3.40am. Random thoughts rushing through my jaded mind.

-censored-

Good night world, let's rest in sweet bliss of ignorance. :))

The way to smile is to be in front of the camera

2009-03-10T00:33:00.002+08:00

I was resolute on friday.

Got hitched on saturday wee hours.

Talked about it on saturday night.

And dumped all these plans on Sunday.

It was normal monday till my phone beeped.

But everything went back to square one on tuesday.

I am resolute.

What I Really Want Now.

2009-03-05T21:10:00.002+08:00

Is to run.

Live abroad.

Know more people.

Learn new things.

Experience greatness.

Escape from here.

Away from disappointments.

Start afresh.

I really wish.

i love the old ways.

2009-02-28T11:21:00.001+08:00

Fear of loss.

2009-02-25T20:44:00.002+08:00

Most of the time, i have very high hopes for myself, from others and of everything i've around me. Over my growing years, i've learnt to accept all the failures and savor in every little victories. Sometimes i grow so jaded of anticipations and expectations, i find myself unmotivated.

The one thing i've never learnt to embrace is loss. The thought of losing something and/or someone has always been a terrible fear. I've never had pets nor any relatives close to me passing on. I've been blessed and I'm sincerely thankful. I know that with the arrival of Lulu, it is just a ticking time bomb before she would leave us.

Everyone is a ticking time bomb, you never know when you would just fall; A mysterious land mine, you never know what accident would bring you away; A killer gas, you never know when you would suffer from a long torturous series of illness that robs you of every waking moment.

Death. The ultimate destination for everyone.
Because i do not know when i would die, i do not fear death.
Because i do not know when my loved ones would die, i fear death.
Please don't take anyone away, not yet.
There're too many promises unfulfilled yet.
Please.

Feel good pills.

2009-02-17T03:03:00.004+08:00

Meeting up with my lovely girls on valentine's day and watching a hopeful movie, Slumdog millionaire.
Receiving flowers and gifts on valentine's day. :))
Meeting the volleyball girls for a wonderful long chat about life and its gossips.
Arranging a all girls' beach date.
Simply being at home, instead of being alone in hall.

The only down side? Not doing work. Blah.

I think i am starting to appreciate the life of monogamy. On a side note, i have and will never advocate polygamy. Argk!

Okay now, let's have hope in love and marriages. And of course, let's have faith and hope in the realisation of deadlines too. :)

My favorite game.

2009-02-13T23:55:00.003+08:00

i hate to admit
but i am losing it again
my favorite game.

it's so tough to say
let's stop, pull the plugs and go
i've fallen again.

To all emo nemo buddies, happy valentine's day! :) xoxo

Dawn upon.

2009-02-08T22:21:00.006+08:00

Beginning to understand what it is to be with someone who loves you rather than someone you love.
To protect oneself, one should learn to know that being with someone you can live with is of greater happiness than being with someone you cannot live with. And at this point, someone you cannot live without shouldn't even be in the equation because as time goes by, it will all be a habit and as we, men, tend to resist changes, we wouldn't be able to live without our partners. Having said all this, love should still be reciprocal. Of course the degree of affection is most subjective and relative.

I advocate mutual love, care and understanding. :)

I don't really know why but this reminded me of deathcab for cutie's i will follow you into the dark mtv. Love the rabbits.

Check out the mtv.

4am.

2009-02-04T03:46:00.003+08:00

Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale

I'm gonna find someone someday

Who might actually treat me well

This is a big world, that was a small town

There in my rearview mirror disappearing now

And it’s too late for you and your white horse

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry...no, no, no, no

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it’s 2am and I’m cursing your name
You’re so in love that you act insane
And that’s the way I loved you
Breakin’ down and coming undone
It’s a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that’s the way I loved you

He can’t see the smile I’m faking
And my heart’s not breaking
Cause I’m not feeling anything at all
And you were wild and crazy
Just so frustrating intoxicating
Complicated, got away by some mistake and now

I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night

I'm the one who makes you laugh

When you know you're about to cry

And i know your favorite songs

And you tell me about your dreams

Think I know where you belong

Think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along

So why can't you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time

How could you not know

Baby you belong with me

You belong with me

So baby drive slow till we run out of road

In this one‐horse town, I wanna stay right here

In this passenger seat

You put your eyes on me

In this moment now

Capture it, remember it

And I don’t know how it gets better than this

You take my hand and drag me headfirst

Fearless

And I don’t know why but with you

I’d danceIn a storm in my best dress

Fearless

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn’t called
And then you feel so low you can’t feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when we said forever and always
And it rains in your bedroom
Everything is wrong
It rains when you’re here and it rains when you’re gone
Cause I was there when you said forever and always
Didn’t mean it baby
You said forever and always yeah

I got tired of waiting

Wondering if you were ever coming around

My faith in you was fading

When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone

I keep waiting for you but you never come

Is this in my head, I don't know what to think

He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone

I love you and that's all I really know

I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress

It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

I am gonna go get her album. Totally totally true.

I'm on screen!

2009-02-02T00:16:00.003+08:00

Check out what i found! Hahaha!! I'm sorry if i spoilt the songs.

Coldplay - Yellow

KT Tunstall - Other Side of the World

Last week was a tough week for me. I can see the weeks ahead getting real busy, hectic and emotional. God please give me strength and wisdom to overcome all these obstacles.

Just because.

2009-01-29T14:18:00.003+08:00

Awfully sweet, you. :)

I ask why.

Don't know why.

Did i put myself down.

Compromising my standards.

Oh dear, please.

I'm stuck.

The choice is clear.

I am blind.

I ask why.

Don't know why.

All i wanted.

feel the breeze when you speak

be alive when you breathe

bask in joy when you hold

shed a tear when you go

smile so wide when you text

tingle with excitement when you kiss

radiate with happiness when you call

lost in time when you fall

and love the moment when we're together

can you be a little nicer?

All i want is to win tonight. xoxo

Why i like Chinese New Year?

2009-01-28T15:31:00.002+08:00

Unfortunately the focus was on the cake and not on me. :S

Happy Birthday to Me & Yiwen! :D

What i didn't like about CNY was you.

1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you

2009-01-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

It's a sweet video. Feels personal. :)) Enjoy.

Sometimes all you need is someone.

2009-01-27T19:53:00.001+08:00

Take me away
by Lifehouse.


This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burned me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone

This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen enough
And it's never enough
It keeps me leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Happy Chinese New Year

2009-01-25T23:31:00.002+08:00

Time

I think time is the most precious gift anyone can give. Most people are too busy in their lives chasing after many wants and desires to offer some time for those whom they love the most and need in their lives. Spend a little more time with your loved ones today.

Last night, I drew a piece of bible verse. For birthday, for new year, i think it's a great advice for me.
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for God who promised is faithful.

Although many of us become increasingly jaded as they grow older, I'm still holding on to my hopes and dreams. Let Him be faithful and I will be hopeful.

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone! :))

Passed my basic theory test.

2009-01-23T00:03:00.002+08:00

There's only 1 way 2 say 3 words 4 you...

I U

Supper@white rabbit

It's the new kinda way.

2009-01-21T18:01:00.001+08:00

I'm bored. It's not like i've nothing to do. It's the kinda boredom that eats you up inside because you have so much stuff to complete and attend, you're bored of meeting them. It's too tiring and stressful. I'm bored.

What i want.

2009-01-20T01:17:00.002+08:00

I've gotten my new year stuff except for the shoes. Can't decide on heels or flats.

For Birthday I'd love to have...

1) My family celebrating my day with a cake for me.
2) Great Happiness & Health for my loved ones and I.
3) Many big AngBaos! :)

My Materialistic Lust List.
1) Ferragamo Varina Flats. So many colours. They look so chic and i've read that they are comfy! :)) I want the black, white and maroon. Yum! I really want them!2) Nice leather structured workbag. Good for in and out of office.

Of course i would love to have another nice party bag. Classic or 2.55 are both lovely.

My SQ tickets are booked. First flight on A380. I'm going Europe and these dreadful "wants" of mine are 20% cheaper there than here. I've not even exclude the taxes. Argh! Consumption! We're so consumed by consumerism.
On the other hand, I must go visit the folks at IMH during CNY. :))

Ok. Now to bed. I should be doing more work. Argh.

Toodles baby!

Learning.

2009-01-19T13:55:00.002+08:00

Loyalty. Courage. Devotion. Simplicity. Joy.

A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbols mean nothing to him. A water logged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their colour or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his. It was really quite simple and yet we humans, so much wiser and more sophiscated, have always had trouble figuring out what really counts and what does not.

Marley & Me - p.280.

My first...

2009-01-19T02:07:00.001+08:00

IHG goal. :))

Next up, the Finals.

Blessed is the soul of the sincere.

and so it is.

2009-01-15T03:10:00.002+08:00

I've decided, I'm not going America. I'm going back to Europe! :)) Exciting!

Happy Birthday Amy!

We'll never be older, we'll only be wiser!

With love! xoxo :)

Because i'm bored and out of sorts.

2009-01-14T16:11:00.003+08:00

I just made a discovery! It's so scary where plastic surgery brings you! If you do a little nip and tuck and keep a low profile, i'm sure you'll get away with it. I've just realised she joined many stuff already. Ha! I wish i could do some nip and tuck and be able to live with it. Unfortunately, i don't think i can live with that new "me". Kudos to the girls who'd do anything for beauty.
Let there never be a day I would go under the knife please.

Nothing

2009-01-13T19:55:00.003+08:00

It's a new header with an old concept. The other time it was a forest trail in the Scottish highlands. This is a very cool greenhouse cafe in Stockholm. The weather was mighty great. Feels like i'm walking around in a giant air-conditioned wonderland of blonde haired and blue eyed people. I can't express how much i loved being on exchange. It was an experience noone can understand nor explain until they have gone on a trip on their own.
In a short paragraph, i've brought up 2 interesting topics. How old concepts can still work wonders and how we all need to go through to get through.
I like the latter topic.

I always find it interesting to hear people saying "learn from others", "learn from the past". While some things are best learnt by avoiding, others are best learnt through personal experience. Sometimes, it doesn't matter what mum or dad says, you just have to go ahead, jump and fall, roll and tumble, get hurt and disappointed but you know you just had to go through to get through.

Go through to get through. Cool.
:))
I'm counting the steps i take in case everything becomes a mundane chain of vicious cycles and boring routines.

Rainbow's here!

2009-01-09T00:16:00.006+08:00

Being pent up is nasty. My mood was nasty. Now I am feeling better. So much better than I am not that bent on taking SE1101E anymore and wouldn't mind taking SN1101E. I would really love to learn abt our neighbours but since the SEA department has a ridiculous rule against Yr4 students from taking their module without informing us & since i have already made my point by emailing the dean and vice-dean twice, I shall take SN1101E and learn about India, Sri Lanka etc, and prove that i can ace in it as well. Well I'm glad Maldives is included because that's one of my honeymoon destinations before it sinks and disappears. :) Jitters about the computing module because there're mixed reviews. Cognitive Neuroscience isn't just scones and jam kinda module either. With the amount of procrastination i have on starting my thesis, I seem to foresee some trouble but I will muster some determination to start on the write-up this weekend. Although all i need are Bs, there's still no time to lose because i have a secret goal before i graduate. Secretly i wish and hope and pray it would come true. Shall reveal at the end of my final semester if i remember. ;)

Tomorrow is the first IHG match. I will focus, be fast and aggressive in defending as well as be strong and accurate in shooting. Channel all that strength, anger and energy into game play. Keep me close in your blessings.

Okay i'm still stuck home with my mac and it takes extremely long to load photos so i am going to randomly pick photos to put on this blog. I'll update on the backlogs once i'm in hall. Meanwhile, happy holidays!

Personal waitress & chef to cook the breakfast of your choice for you in your villa. I love their breakfast! Yum!

Beautiful sunset by the Legian Beach i think.

Just outside our room in our private villa is our personal swimming pool. It can be so hot shopping around so it feels absolutely wonderful to take off your clothes and enjoy a dip or a swim when you return back to your cozy villa.

It was a lazy brunch at Riders' Cafe. A day before he left. Very yummy too! And we sat by the balcony where the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and the horses were having their leisurely runs. Of course there were the occasional waft of interesting smell from the horses' sheds that makes u go "Hrmm..."

In case you'd wanna visit this place. I love the pancakes (i'm not a fan of pancakes but this impresses me) and norwegian breakfast.

LuLu on one of the days we brought her out for a run and to meet the other dogs. :)) I really love LuLu. She's incredibly passionate & adorable!

Oh yes! Lovely Sunflowers right after my last paper. Totally perks me up! I guess i was hungry after a 7pm paper.

More to come. Time to sleep. For there are people who are living their lives in great fear, stress and sadness, we should give thanks for our health and peace. God bless us all. :)) xoxo

Close my eyes and i count to ten.

2009-01-05T23:10:00.005+08:00

Everything will be wonderful again.
I've come up with a brilliant tag for my "now" feeling.
I feel like the fart caught in my butt.

Be forewarned of an extensive amount of rambling. School's starting and soon i will be able to upload photos with my fujitsu and you can come "read". Meanwhile, i'll let my verbal diarrhoea take place.

~*~*~*~

Nothing has been right since new year's eve. I shudda just left the house and gone out partyin'. Unfortunately, I've been feeling so empty lately. All that routine of meeting new people and wearing that smile on my face makes me feel so jaded. I yearn to have friends meeting up with me, talk to me and let me forget about the pretentious little hypocrites around me.
Gosh, I have this pent up feeling in me that is suffocating me from inside. The twisting of stomach and strangling of throat, they just leave me so breathless and angry. I need to release my anger tomorrow. Somehow convert that inner angry strength into massive pure power of excellent game play. Kinda like the mellow but still threatening version of Mr. Hulk. ;)

It's an icky feeling stuck at the back of your throat. You can't cough it out, you can't swallow it down. You just have to wait it out. Let it turn into a smelly burp or expel out as the smell'ier' fart. DAMN u little weird strange volume of unknown gas. :s

Little Nonya ended with the granny saying something which i couldn't really catch it but would really want to know what she said. Somehow i have the impression she said something about making choices. It can be difficult to make choices sometimes. So just choose the one you think is most suitable in the circumstances that you're caught in.

I'm angry at will smith in seven pounds. His intentions of saving 7 people thus sacrificing himself started out with the intention to ease some of his guilt and that life had become meaningful and guilt'ful' for him since his fiance was dead and in his folly, he killed 7. Subsequently, it seemed to me that his final motivation to sacrifice himself was no longer just because of guilt for the deaths and even less so due to the love for his wife. Most importantly, his death was for his new found love for the girl, Sarah, whom he gave his heart (metaphorically and literally) to. He made me mad because it makes me think of men as being forgetful creatures capable of forgetting their loved ones and loving another.

Too short a period of time, i cannot calm now. Too long and i'll be gone. It's better if something is to be done quickly. It had better be something that would leave me happily soaked in the bright sunshine and to really help gain most credentials back. Even banks these days have tighten their criteria on loan applicants. Why shouldn't I?

It feels like the awkward period of growing up. Clothes are either too childish for you or too mature for you. DAMN. Can someone just do something to get me out?
God, please send your angels and blessings to us all. There's always life if there's still hope. :)) xoxo

the cookie in the jar.

2009-01-04T16:48:00.003+08:00

it was a little chip off the old block
but then the cookie crumbled
i trembled with sadness and i was mocked
i thought you gave me chocochip & nuts
but then came the worms and slugs
barely after a year or so.

maybe you think i could brush them away
take a bite off but definitely nay
if it had broken into bits
it would still be the old hit
but now it's just a rotten vas
noone would accept, no, none of us.

it almost feels like the end
there were no other plans
it wasn't easy even with zits and farts,
i still really liked chocochip & nuts
but now we know the only way
is till the next batch of baking is baked.

What 2009 brings?

2009-01-04T02:10:00.002+08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!

To be honest, the start to my new year wasn't happy at all. Issues from all round made it miserable. In addition, I've always been superstitious and this year is my "fan tai sui" or 犯太岁 year. Well, such a concept could have been a way of reminding people to do more good and be more caution because everyone needs a gentle push towards the right path once in awhile. :)

What i wish to achieve in 2009?
1. To spend less and to spend wisely & perhaps grow cash on trees.
2. Strive for the best! Be diligent and stop under-achieveing!
3. To be wiser, to tolerate & to be patient.

If i had to choose between a memorable, exciting year and a peaceful, smooth sailing year, I would definitely choose the latter.
Hoping is just the process to enjoy, to get what you had hoped is the goal. :))

Cheers! xoxo